This poem portrays the anguish and love
of a married couple forced to decide on a hospital transfer after a long and
difficult illness. The wife, burdened with making decisions on behalf of a
husband who can no longer express his wishes, is tormented by doubt and guilt,
asking herself again and again, “Was this truly the
right choice?” Yet beneath her suffering lies the
desperate wish they both share: to remain together until the very end. As a
close friend, the speaker gently reminds her that there is no perfect answer-that
the true meaning lies in the life they have endured together. The poem quietly
reflects on caregiving, marital devotion, and the profound human need to trust
and support one another in the face of mortality.
“ A Friend’s Wife and Her Decision”
A few days ago, an email arrived saying
the date for his transfer to Sapporo had been decided.
For nearly a year of chronic illness,
he had been moved from hospital to hospital.
At the current hospital,
they declared he must be transferred.
There was a long-term care facility for
dialysis patients.
But visits from his wife would be limited to only a few times a month.
Worse still, visits would be conducted
through partitions, just like during the COVID pandemic.
She was told that even holding his hand until the very end
would not be allowed.
She was shocked
by treatment that resembled a prison-like detention facility.
She consulted the coordinator at his current hospital
and asked them to search in Sapporo, where their daughter lived.
In early March,
I accompanied them to visit a hospital that had been recommended.
The warm, home-like atmosphere
immediately appealed to both mother and daughter.
Visiting hours and restrictions on family members
were relaxed, placing patients and families first.
After returning home,
they expressed their wish for the transfer
and waited for a bed to become available.
On May 1st,
word arrived from Sapporo.
They requested several days in mid-May.
Preparations began-
arranging a private medical transport ambulance and more.
His wife confessed that her heart had begun
to tremble with unease.
“I’m wavering in
this decision.
Unable to hear his wishes,
have I only caused him suffering?
Even transferring him from here to Sapporo-
I never truly received his consent.
Now he can no longer even express his will.
I carry regret toward my husband.
Even if I believed it was for the best,
that does not mean he accepted it.
I want to hear his voice…”
After receiving the notice of transfer,
she argued endlessly with herself.
“Was this really right…?”
Waves of anguished tears
rose and fell again and again.
Her silent husband
repeatedly hiccupped in silence.
I replied:
“You do not want him to be alone.
You both simply wish to remain beside one another.
Surely he wishes that too.
Stay with him
until the very last ember of life burns out.
For nearly a year now,
you two have struggled together.
You have done everything you possibly
could.
You forgave one another,
and he entrusted himself to you, didn’t he?
I know well your suffering and sorrow too.
Surely he wishes to thank you for all your
hardship.
That’s the kind of
man he is.
You do not need to search for a perfect
answer.”
How truly happy
he must have been to share his life with you.
I picture that quiet man,
smiling shyly.
To be husband and wife
is perhaps a bond that refuses to give up until the very end.
The two of them,
who nurtured sincerity and warmth together,
speak of a genuine love.
If something is left undone,
you will surely carry regret
and blame yourself forever.
That is what worries him most.
His generosity itself becomes his weakness.
Even without words,
he wins people over completely.
So let us believe.
Surely he felt the same way.
You will still be able to hold his hand.
You will still be able to rub his back gently.
Though awkward with words,
he is an honest man
who can understand one another with his wife.
Let us believe that
and send him onward.
Come now,
it is time to rise from this sea of tears.
When you are alone again,
your thoughts will only circle endlessly.
Yet that too
is a precious time of speaking with him in your heart.
So whether it is fear or anxiety,
you must simply accept it.
We will welcome you both in Sapporo
with smiles and open arms.
He himself says nothing.
But I will believe
that your words are also his words,
and move forward.
Written on May 3, 2026. Quietly waiting
for my friend to arrive safely.