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Where I Seek

This poem, “Where I Seek”, portrays the inner process of confronting hesitation, stagnation, and the fundamental question of “why we write.” It quietly yet candidly expresses the emotional fluctuations that emerge precisely within moments of uncertainty and inability to put thoughts into words.

  

Where I Seek

 

I wrote the words, “Where I seek,”

and then five hours passed.

Even what I meant to write became vague.

 

I couldn’t write yesterday either.

I didn’t feel like writing at all.

If I forced the words out, they felt like lies.

 

It wasn’t that I kept writing out of obligation.

I simply left themes untouched as they came to mind.

No one blamed me for it.

 

I continued writing freely, as I pleased.

My heart moved, and words ran forth.

Within my thoughts, words played.

 

Now, I am experiencing a feeling for the first time.

I kept asking myself over and over what I should write.

And repeatedly asked why I write.

 

Where does the desire to write come from?

Why does the feeling that I must write arise?

Where does this sense of seeking ultimately lead?

 

I stopped midway along the path searching for answers.

Perhaps the answers lie on a path that cannot be searched.

Perhaps I had mistaken the path of seeking them.

 

I write down such a state of mind.

I record this fragile heart as it is now.

Tomorrow, perhaps, words may dance again on a whim.

 

The path of putting into words what I seek still continues.

The path of expressing what I seek—perhaps it is only halfway.

 

[Written on December 8, 2022.

Yesterday, I could not write a single piece.

Today marks December 8, 1941, when Japan declared war on the United States and the United Kingdom, beginning the Pacific War. I wished to feel something on this day, yet nothing came to mind. These past two days, my will to write had withered.]

 

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